At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
