I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
