you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize