Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
