i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
