hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
