I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
