why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
