My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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