Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
