So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize