My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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