my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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