I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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