i just sent this text using only my big toe
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
