We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
