I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
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he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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