I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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