I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
