i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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