Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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