just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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