on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
