I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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