I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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