I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
