Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
