Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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