i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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