and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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