Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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