last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
