i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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