i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
