Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
