what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
