I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
