No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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