he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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