I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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