ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
