i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
