Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
