Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
