think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
