you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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