Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
