I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
