It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's shark week go big or go home
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
