In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
