New invention idea: vibrating tampons
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
