He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
