All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
