can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Randomize
