I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
