It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
