Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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