six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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