I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
