New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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