First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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