so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
