Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
