i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
