Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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