I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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