I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize