I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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