one two three fourrrrnication!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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