I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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