I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
