I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
