So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
