When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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