Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize