I cockslap morals
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I want to be your penis for a week.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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