The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
only you would photoshop your dick
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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