I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
