Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
