Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
